Helpful Information

MINDFULNESS:

     When you "emotionally react" you have been "Emotionally
     Hijacked" by your brain and it will whip you around and
     dominate your behavior.   IN ORDER TO STOP THIS EMOTIONAL
      HIJACKING IT IS NECESSARY TO:

     STOP……BREATH……REFLECT………CHOOSE to
     think and then respond even if there requires restraint for
     the moment!  The Body Will Follow The Mind!
      (Marsha Linehan , 1991)

                             ANGER do you react or respond?

Anger is unhealthy when it gets in the way of your functioning or your relationships; if anger is causing you to loose friends, put your job in jeopardy, if people complain to you about your anger, if you hear people talking about you having a bad temper. These are signs that your anger is getting in your way, and therefore it’s unhealthy.  Anger is the process of moving from whatever the original emotion is to the anger, because it’s too hard to stay with the original feelings. We are affected by the interpretation we have of an event. Some people become angry because they read something into an event which could cause hurt or pain that can eventually translates into anger. Somebody else either reads something else into the event or doesn’t read much into the event at all, and therefore doesn’t feel the anger. You can attempt to process it. Think through right and wrong. Get clear about what your underlying feelings are. Pardon the cliché, but take a "time-out". Remember, anger is a feeling that is here today, gone tomorrow, but the pain and backlash we inflict on others during anger are harder forgotten. (allaboutcounseling.com)

                                        GRIEF & LOSS

Grief starts when someone or something we care about is lost to us. If a relationship with another person or cared-about thing can be represented metaphorically by a bridge, grief starts when the bridge breaks and it is no longer possible to get to the 'other side' where the cared-about other has been. Grief ends when we have gotten past the acute need for the lost other person or thing in our lives and are able to function normally without them. This doesn't mean that we stop feeling sad when we think about the loss; it only means that we are no longer significantly crippled by it. Grief is a normal process. This being said, it is also normal for people to grieve in very different ways. Some people grieve openly, while others hide their feelings of distress. Some people grieve quickly, while others take a long time to 'finish'. There is no 'right way' to grieve; each individual comes up with a method of grieving that fits them.

Grieving is a painful and difficult experience to go through, but it is a normal reaction to loss, and it does pass. If you, or someone you love is grieving at present, don't be afraid to seek support and/or professional help. (www.mentalhelp.com)

                             CHRONIC PAIN CONTROL

There are several goals of chronic pain management treatment.  One goal is to assist the patient in reconceptualizing their belief about pain as an uncontrollable medical symptom to a belief that the patient’s response to pain can be under his/her control (Holzman, Turk, & Kerns, 1986); Bradley, 1996). The initial step is educating the patient about the mind-body relationship. The effectiveness of this step depends on the patient’s defensiveness, level of knowledge about the mechanisms of pain and attitudes about the mind-body relationship. The most widely researched and successful chronic pain reduction techniques are then instructed and practiced both in the treatment session and at home. These include: 1. Diaphragmatic Breathing Relaxation, 2. Progressive muscular relaxation 3. Autogenic
/Biofeedback, 5. Hypnosuggestive techniques and 6. Guided Imagery . (Allen Lebovits, Ph. D., The Journal of American Psychotherapy Association, Lehrer & Wolfolk, 1993)

          THE DEFINITION OF A GOOD RELATIONSHIP

1.  Both partners feel they are getting most of what they want from the relationship.
2. Both partners are productive in ways which are important to them as individuals. Some experience individual productiveness through professional careers or hobbies. Others experience it by being in charge of the home and family.
3. Both partners are comfortable about sharing their satisfactions with one another, now as well as in times to come.
4. Both partners are comfortable about sharing the tasks and trials which are unpleasant to the other.
5. Both partners get satifaction from being supportive to each other.
6. Both partners have the ability and willingness to adapt to the nevet-ending changes and circumstances which affect their relationship.

In a good relationship both partners have a high sense of satisfaction from the relationship, an awareness of emotional security, a feeling of zest from coping with the endless problems which are part of life, and the sensibility that they are different but equal. The partners are conscious that their good marriage results from the way they treat each other. They know that it is the quality of the exchanged behaviors which establishes the tone of the relationship. Love seldom is spontaneous, instant, dynamic. It usually takes considerable time to create. It results from work, from thinking, from promoting equality, from being able to cope and to adapt.
(W. Lederer, Creating a Good Relationship, former director ofthe Mental Research Institute, Palo Alto, CA).